Words can't describe...

I feel bad.

I shouldn't feel bad, but my soul is being crushed by the weight of my life.  I don't know how much more I can take.  

I have so much going on in my own life, but none of it matters.  None of it matters because there's a lump on my Dad's back and it's been there awhile and he doesn't know what it is.  It started hurting him, so now he's finally getting it checked out and I'm scared for him.  

New Year New Leaf

I've made so many changes since my last post, but I'm lazy and don't really want to rehash.  Let's just say that everyone is growing up and we're (myself and S.) acting more like civilized adults.  We're starting off the new year with one credit card paid off, so that leaves one to go.  Paying off debts really does feel good.  I've never been good with money and especially not credit, but I'm learning.  We're also moving which was unexpected but this home has become complicated and things are going to be better for everyone this way.  I'm heartbroken because I love our home.  I did grieve the loss for the first couple of days, but today I felt much more positive about the whole situation which I won't really go into because it's not really my situation to talk about.  Things are complicated, but when aren't they?  

I've started making jewelry again.  I haven't done this since junior high, but it's like riding a bike and there are so many more tools possiblities at my fingertips than I remember.  I'm kind of getting obsessed.  I'll post pictures of some of my creations as they happen.  I'll probably start selling some of my work soon as well, so if you're interested, whoever you are, just send me a comment for now.  If and when this pans out, I'll have a much more professional way of taking care of the business side.  I'm still testing things out and making sure that the quality of my work is up to my standards.  I want my work to not only be beautiful, fashionable, and tasteful, but I want it to be well made and durable.  I'm not trying to tow a car with a necklace or anything.  I just want each piece to last.  

I'm also still singing.  I took a hiatus to get my life together and now I feel better about jumping back into the fray.  I'm going to be more choosy (is that a real word? I think I got it from a peanut butter commercial.) about new projects and I'm going to learn (finally) to say no.  This will be a lot more fun this time around.  It already is.  

By the way, go see Cappella Romana at St. Mary's Cathedral in Portland, OR on Jan. 2, 2009.  It's going to be one of most beautiful concerts that I've had the pleasure to take part in thus far.  We'll also be in Seattle at Town Hall on Jan. 3, 2009.  Hope to see you there!

A Flower for All of you, I made it myself.

I am so thankful for my friends.  I don't know why, but every summer, I seem to isolate myself from them.  I don't know why I do this.  My life always seems to turn to shit when I do.  I guess it's because the rest of the year, it doesn't take any effort to see them on a regular basis because I work with them.  I sing with them, then we go out, etc.  Then I must make the effort to reconnect with them once summer is over.  Well reconnecting with them this time has not only changed my life...it's saved it.  I love every one of them so much.  

Why I don't work in the travel industry anymore.

Airline Removed Life Vests to Save Fuel

Submitted by frostfire on Sat, 2008-08-30 07:42.airline | fuel | Life Vests

 

First they started charging for meals, pillows, and blankets. Now, one airline is taking an extreme step to save fuel by … removing life vests to lighten the planes:

An official with Air Canada’s regional carrier Jazz says the airline is removing life vests from all its planes to save weight and fuel.

Jazz spokeswoman Manon Stuart said Thursday that Transport Canada regulations allow airlines to use flotation devices instead of life vests, provided the planes remain within 50 miles of shore.

Safety cards in the seat pockets of Jazz aircraft now direct passengers to use the seat cushions as flotation devices.

Link

So I've made some very terrible decisions as of late and part of my penance coming clean publicly. I realize by doing this that I will be losing a lot of you as friends and I don't blame you. I've not been a good person and probably don't deserve your friendships. That being said, if you do decide never to be friends with me, I understand and for those closest to me that decide this, I will miss you. As a lot of you already know, Sam and I have had a very troubled marriage. Although that does not justify what I've done, that's really where this all begins. The details leading up to this are not important, what it comes down to is that I cheated on Sam. I did not have sex with anyone (not that it matters). I did not even meet these people (not that that matters either). I did flirt and send dirty messages and pictures to 2 different men. Men that I didn't know nor did I ever see them in person. I don't know what I was thinking. You all know as do I that I'm smarter than this. I have tried to intellectualize this, but all that leads to is stupid justifications. What I do know is that things were so bad when these experiences happened that I didn't think that I had anything to lose.

I was and am very, very wrong. I love my Husband very much and I've sent this post at his request. I'm going to work my hardest to gain back as much of his trust as I can ( if that is possible). So if that means losing what few friends I have and some of my freedoms, then so be it. I apologize with every ounce of my being and soul to Sam and to everyone that reads this.

At this time, I am no longer allowed to have male friends. While I don't think that this includes my gay friends, it will be some time before I will be hanging out with anyone. This does not mean I can't see you every now and then, but Sam is requiring that if we do hang out, then he must be there. Since he never likes to leave the house, I don't think I'll be seeing you for a very long time.

The 'F. Mercury Concerto'

OK, so now I will seem like I'm becoming addicted to this blogging thing, but I'm a procrastinator as well as a bit of a pot-head, so I'll eventually forget what it is that I'm procrastinating about and probably stop blogging altogether.  

I was mentioned in another local blog (Thanks Lorin)!  I didn't even know that this person blogged until just now. Nevermind how I found it, I just did.  If you're interested, I've attempted to include a link.  If you're only interested in me, then just scroll down to paragraph 8 to figure out what I'm talking about, then read on to paragraph 9 for the exciting part (well, for me anyway). 

Woot!

OCD almost satisfied

I've caught the antiquing bug.  Actually, I'm a shopaholic without focus.  Until now that is.  My Father-in-law took my husband and I treasure hunting in a very small town a few weeks ago and he thought I had a "good eye" and the patience to be very good at finding stuff.  

A week later, I did some independent treasure hunting in my home town and I found this bottle. I paid about $18.00 for it hoping that it wasn't just a piece of crap.  It was by far the most interesting thing in the entire store to my eye.  But I hadn't seen anything like it before, so I began researching on the internet.  It's been about a month and a half, and I finally found out what it was!  It's an antique Japanese Tea Caddy.  I'm still working on finding out more specific details, but at least I know what the damn thing is. The other one that I found is priced at $395.00.  It's been haunting me.  I deduced that it was made of Lead (yes, lead) and glass.  I finally found a picture of a similar caddy on an antique website in Atlanta, GA.  Hopefully they can give me more details.  Pictured above is mine.